ThE_PhOEniX_sOuL

Saturday, May 11, 2019

BEING EMPATHETIC------- A Curse or A Blessing?

"If you see someone without a smile, give them one of yours."
- Dolly Parton

Ever since I remember, I have been a true EMPATH throughout my life. Not only an empath but the one with a highly sensitive nature.
However, I have started realising the regrettable outcomes of it lately and hereby just thought why not pour my heart out to let you guys even know about how it feels being an empath and deal with people around you.

Empath- very naturally get in tune with how others feel and hence, is able to experience people's energy at a very deep level.
Gets drained out very easily in situations which are unpleasant and nasty while becomes overwhelmed and highly emotional in ones which are joyous or sensitive in nature.

He is able to feel akin to what others feel and is loyal, loving and optimistic with respect to considering the others are right and just too and thus, everyone around them deserves good.

While these are amazing qualities to have but the downfall with this kind of person is that he considers everyone around like him which turns out to be a false-faith fo them. Thereby making them the prime targets for being taken granted of as well as abuse (physical, mental, emotional, ethical, financial,etc.).

Just because an empath feels so deeply with all love, compassion and concern, he often overlooks the dark sides of people around him probably by finding out one or the other reason behind their actions and falls back to them with equal intensity of love and compassion. Meanwhile, people have their own set of excuses to give to him which he eventually gets convinced of and this marks the beginning of the never-ending cycle of use and abuse. And his caregiving and loving nature become the reason for his resentment and grief.

An empath is easily recognizable by narcissists and the latter considers the former a weak and co-dependent but they forget that it takes a huge amount of strength in being an empathetically driven person in the world full of narcissists.

Being a natural giver as well as a forgiver in a relationship, an empath is usually taken for granted as he is not the one to give up on relationships easily and this is how the cycle of use and abuse continues till the time either the empath calls off the relation or another person discontinues his unethical and mean ways of leading the relation. Until this point, the empath becomes so mentally exhausted or traumatized by again and again going through the same stuff where the other person first makes use of him and later gives him the false hope, love and faith of being nice and just to them. It is an effortless moulding of the empath by such person due to the loyal nature of the former.

Empath leads a life of confusion where his mind is able to evaluate the malicious ways of narcissists around him but his heart still holds love, compassion and loyalty for them. Despite being aware of the malevolent intentions of others, the empath continues to be supportive, helpful and loyal to them which altogether backfires his integrity and that is something very distressing and awful to experience.

Simple ways by which an EMPATH can protect their souls from being quashed:

Be empathetic but keep that in check.

Self-love is prime.

Let another person earn empathy. Dole it out sagaciously onto others. Never show to them who don't value it.

Being empathetic doesn't indicate only giving. Keep your selflessness in control and shower it only where it is actually needed.

Learn to make boundaries and set limitations to your natural care-giving attitude. Understand each and every individual is different and not how and what you perceive.

Don't exhibit your vulnerable side to ones who don't deserve to be that close to you. Prevent them from making use of the same.

Be vigilant enough to understand and recognize such people to whom you consider sweet and lovable who, in reality, are parasites feeding on your compassion.

Don't get flattered to the sugar-coated conduct. Never compromise with your dignity and integrity. Take stand as and when required.

Cherish meaningful relations and friendships. Never overlook or ignore the demon of selfishness in others.

Stop being bullied in the name of empathy. Do not hesitate to be alone with dignity at the cost of losing narcissists from your life because having the companionship of such people is worse than being alone.

As I draw to an end of this post, I would not be ashamed of admitting it that BEING EMPATHETIC IS A BLESSING.

And I AM PROUD TO BE ONE for I am being one but without the sense of co-dependency.

I am a healthy empath who knows boundaries and very well aware of each person's space in my life which I constantly value, respect, nurture and cherish. I know when to withdraw myself from any bitter space and stand out for my dignity even if it is standing alone for that matter.

And my urge to everyone like me is no less than that.

Be a healthy empath and love yourself first because, in today's world, you need to show others your worth as everyone is in a rate race of making him superior over others.

BE A LOTUS IN YOUR LIFE AS THEY SAY:

"THE UGLIER THE MUCK IT GROWS IN, THE BEAUTIFUL THE FLOWER IS."

EXPECTATIONS

Dr.Shruti Sharma

For humans, the basis of our any relationship is nothing but the EXPECTATIONS.
What kind of husband you expect?
What kind of wife you expect?
What is expected out of your kids? so on and so forth.

And we too, intentionally or unintentionally are able to love only those who fulfil or nearly fulfil our expectations. (For true or unconditional love is too rare as it does not have any space for EXPECTATIONS).

Practically, in today's world, there would hardly be any being who has achieved a ZERO-STATE OF EXPECTATIONS.

However, expectations are destined to be shattered or broken as these are what we give rise to. These are pure reflections of our longings and needs which take birth in conscious or subconscious levels of our minds. Then, this is being reflexively imposed on another person in any relationship. And since the other person is not GOD or a saint to be able to recognize these, the majority of times, the end result is unfulfillment of expectations and hence frustrations.

One more reality of expectations is that no matter how much another person tries to live up to these, he won't be able to do it completely because expectations are immortal.
These can change their shape and form, be reduced in the intensity and frequency but the amplitude of expectations is everlasting.

I have heard people preaching the lessons of "Do not expect anything in a relationship". Really! I mean how in this world for a normal human being, is this statement valid?
There are expectations in any sort of relationship. According to me, no matter how hard we try, we tend to expect or rather we should expect because having expectations and fulfilling each other's expectations is one of the binding forces of any relationship.

The problem does not lie in having expectations from someone in a relationship, rather it is an unacceptance of the situation where the other is not able to fulfil it as it is something beyond his capacity or nature. It is when we become the slave of expectations and are unwilling to accepting the way the other person is. Hence we should understand that the universe not gonna change for us we need to adapt to it for our peace of mind.

We all are so different having the varied mindset and different streaks of nature and personality. Sometimes we are good to go along with each other and other times we do face conflicts and clashes. We always want another person to be able to understand and fulfil what is being expected out of him and when this falls short, the frustrations arise. And when a series of these events happen, we feel hurt and remorseful and in worst cases, call off the relationship.

Unfulfilled expectations give rise to STRUGGLE.

The relationship which once based on love and expectations now lies on the foundation of struggle.

The struggle of being with a person who doesn't live up to our expectations

The struggle of living with poles apart of mindset and ideology.

The struggle of forced and conditioned attachments.

And then, we tend to maintain distance with such a person by forgetting or overlooking the other dimensions of his/her personality.

The only way out is: Do not make EXPECTATIONS (or fulfilment of it) a basis of your relationship ever.

Do not fear the expectations, have it fearlessly in a relationship but never make it the only basis of nurturing your relationship with. Do not make the fulfilment of expectations the only criterion of a healthy relationship.

Also, do not be harsh on yourself by constantly seeking a hypothetical space or situation of a ZERO-STATE OF EXPECTATIONS as I would be impractical to advocate that.
Understand that trying to achieve this state, is an altogether unrealistic expectation of its own kind.

Remember, seawater is not expected to quench the thirst yet it is important to behold numerous species and is home to a million precious elements, corals, pearls, etc.
And as the polluted water can't be put to any use but it can still be used to extinguish a fire, similarly, every relationship in our lives holds significance.

Thus, only because of the other person's inability to suffice your expectations, in no way makes him unworthy to various other better things he is capable of.

I am sure if we ask others, there might be many instances where we couldn't have lived up to their expectations, yet they love us and respect us for how we have been with them in a journey called LIFE.

SO BE A BETTER PERSON AND RISE (ALSO LET OTHERS RISE) ABOVE ALL EXPECTATIONS.

XOXO!