Have you ever noticed how birds feed their squeaky, innocent and cute looking chicks through their beaks and make every possible effort to protect and nurture them? Make them understand the significance of the wings and the importance of flying in one's life. While teaching the nestling how to fly and be able to fight their own battles, the mother bird never expects it to be dependent on her and soon turn it to a fledging which is now ready to take flight. And after that, it never comes back and hereby the cycle of codependency breaks between the chick and its mother bird.
But what about we homo sapiens, we always try to make the cycle of healthy codependency and make sure that it continues till eternity. But if it turns out to an unhealthy one then this tendency soon gets matured along the journey and takes the shape of insecurities, low self-esteem, poor self-confidence and indecisiveness where the person unconsciously start seeking approvals, validations, love and conformity to their actions.
Such a nestling that would be entrapped in the codependency to its mother would never be able to turn to a fledging and start flying.
Similarly, as humans, if we continue being codependents, we would defy and hinder the progress which is supposed to be our aim of life.
Codependency should never be considered synonymous to love, affection and attachment. It is a trait you acquire as you grow, where your prime focus is to give love, attention, respect and concern to others while underestimating and undervaluing your own selves and that too very undemandingly. And the result is that such people are misunderstood as clingy, emotionally weak and needy.
WHAT CAUSES CODEPENDENCY?
Well, according to me, the main factor that causes codependency is the way the person is brought up and the environment he/she has been into or a part of. Both, the negligence as well as the overpampering for the child is a stepping stone towards making him a codependent. Let me tell you how!
- THE NEGLIGENCE: If a child has been into such an environment in his growing years where he has been neglected by his parents, intentionally or unintentionally or perceived, and he had to constantly seek their approvals and love, then this eventually becomes the trait of the child to continue being like this with people around him even when he grows up.
- THE OVERPAMPERING: If a child is overpampered during his childhood then either the person becomes too stubborn and adamant or he becomes a codependent because then he would want the same treatment from the people around him as he used to get from his parents in the childhood. And for this, he consequently becomes a codependent who seeks love and conformity from others so as to feel loved and wanted.
In either case, the child acquires the sense of insecurities and shaken self-confidence when he grows up and faces the outer world beyond his family. And then he makes codependency a tool for his existence and sustenance.
If a codependent doesn't fall into either of above-mentioned category, then probably he fits into a lot of people-pleasers or manipulators who portray himself to be a codependent but actually it is just a facade to get his work done slyly.
HOW TO OVERCOME CODEPENDENCY ISSUES?
- Understand your needs and desires first and let your fears and anxieties be pushed away beyond your limitations. This is how you can be perseverant in getting rid of codependency.
- Be with a company of people who don't need your codependency for them to be able to uplift and encourage you.
- If in doubt, share your feelings and experiences with people who have succeeded in breaking the cycle of codependency and get inspired to learn from their methods.
- It may seem to be a very difficult, demanding and daunting task which would perhaps render you with guilt, shame, anxiety, fear of isolation, aggression, self-doubt but you have to be determined enough to quit this codependency as soon as possible to be able to progress in life.
- You may face criticism or condemnation but you should alone be able to self-soothe yourself. So don't give up.
- Soon you would be able to sift the wheat from the chaff i.e. you would now be able to recognize who is real and wants to stay in your life (don't let them leave) and who would abandon you as you break the cycle of codependency (let them go).
- You may have to encounter apparent loss of your so-called friendships and relationships but don't lose your confidence. You would realise how slowly and steadily you would get adapted and acclimatised to altered situations.
- You would acquire healthy personal and emotional abilities as you realize that a true relationship is mutual and not one-sided.
You would definitely notice the difference in adopting such measures into your life, not only for your progress in life but becoming a better person altogether. You would start believing in mutual growth of two persons involved in a relationship while taking care of your own needs and feelings as well.
And finally, you would break the barriers of codependency issues and nurture mutual love, respect, care and growth and strengthen the bonds of interdependence over codependence.
